When I was growing up, like all red-blooded American boys, I wanted to be a fireman. The really neat, red hook and ladder trucks, and the boots and suspenders, and the hat—well, it was all quite inspiring to my emerging manhood. Just the thought of hanging off the back of a fire truck while rushing to a fire was even more exciting than any prize I could dig out of a cereal box.
Sometime after my first three children were born, girls all, we were given a video with a children’s song called “I Want To Be A Fireman.” The kids in the video sing while the firefighters show what firefighters do—live at the firehouse, maintain their equipment, stay alert, and fight fires. We would all sing,
“I want to be a fireman, doing all I can; that’s what I want to be when I grow up to be a man.”
The fact that five of the six children singing those lyrics in the video were girls didn’t sit quite right with my views on traditional feminine pursuits. Still, I am sure I didn’t say anything negative about girls growing up to be firefighters. (My daughters may have a different version.) As the world turns, none of my daughters grew up to be a fireman, and neither did I. However, even though I never grew up to be a fireman, I did grow up.
Mental Fog
Unfortunately, that statement cannot be said for an increasingly large number of men in America. The very idea of “growing up” seems to have vanished from their minds, disconnecting them from any serious designs on life. Failure to define life in terms of genuine and significant purpose invariably stunts a man’s growth, leaving him with ill-conceived, shapeless, and meaningless values and priorities. This vague, fractured consciousness and the mental fog that accompanies it, not only precludes the transition from boyhood to manhood but leaves such “men” in a perpetual state of aimless adolescence. Such a mindset is divorced from any sense of true purpose and significance, and this will always lead to hopelessness and depression, and may even result in suicide.
Becoming a Man
A key aspect of the transformational process from boyhood into manhood requires coming to see the world as it is and not as you want it to be. The boy says, “I want to be a fireman,” without understanding the training, the risks, and the extreme dangers involved. The boy likes the red truck, sliding down the fireman’s pole, and playing with the hose. The man says, “I want to find nobility, purpose, and significance; if I can save the lives of those in danger of dying in a fire, I will take whatever steps are necessary to ensure that I can accomplish that end. I will train, I will prepare, I will put on the gear, and I will rush into the fire.” “Why?” you ask—
BECAUSE IT MATTERS.
The boy that never reaches this point of clarity and commitment never emerges into manhood. He is incapable of understanding the broader implications of his life and cannot comprehend the call to create, influence, and impact those around him for good. The desirability of seeking honorable pursuits that will leave a noble mark on the boy’s posterity, or even of having a posterity at all, is completely lost on him. He is never willing to sacrifice predictability and comfort. Therefore, he is unable to face the pivotal challenges of life that offer the prospect of growth and achievement, as well as the risk of failure—all of which are necessary to mold the boy into a man.
The Undefined Life
In today’s western culture, the ‘undefined male’ grows into his twenties and beyond, and at some point finds himself watching a fire truck rush by and thinks to himself, “I could have been a fireman.” This “boy,” though in the frame of a man, seeks to satiate his long suppressed hunger for real responsibility and genuine significance by playing a video game in which he can play a fireman and pretend to have accomplished something—such as actually putting out a dangerous fire and saving lives. Instead of clinging to life atop a ladder, manning a hose in the face of blinding smoke and searing heat, he manipulates a controller tethered to a color monitor, all from the comfort of his couch—maybe even his bed. Visual pretension becomes his reality. He clings to a projected nobility that exists only so long as the power stays on.
Men who adopt this precarious posture orient themselves to reality primarily through a concerted effort to “keep their options open.” They never anchor their lives in anything genuine, lasting, or objectively significant.
Characteristically, such “men” never make real, lasting commitments beyond themselves. They know that if they did so, they would lose the ability to control the inputs and manage the outcomes in their lives predictably and to their own satisfaction. They not only avoid responsibility but, by any and all means, accountability as well—no risk, no responsibility, and therefore, no significance. This life can be dressed up in the guise of freedom, independence, even dedication, and deep contemplation. However, it is still the life of a boy, pretending to be what he is not—a noble, significant, and purposeful man.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1 Corinthians 13:11
Harper sends
Agreed.